Ang tagal ko nang hindi nakita
Wala rin akong balita...
ay meron na pala... at hindi ko inaasahan...
Ano ang nangyari sayo?
At bakit hinayaan mo?
Na ikaw ay magkaganito,
ano ba ang pinasok mo?
Hindi ako makapaniwala
Sa mga narinig ko...
May dugong namuo
Mula sa kabaliwan mo...
Dugong makasalanan
Dugo sanang magbibigay ng kasiyahan
at Dugong magdurugtong sa magulo mong buhay.
Akala ko ba matalino ka?
Wala manlang Pag-iingat
At ang mas nakakagulat,
Ang Dugong namuo
Ay hinayaang Maglaho...
Katulong ang mga taong
malapit sa puso mo
at tunay na nirerespeto ng kahit sino.
Ang dugo ay ipinagpalit
sa iniingatang pagkatao
Upang maitago
sa mga mapaghusgang mga tao.
Ako ay naawa
naiinis
hindi ko naisip,
na ang isang tulad mo
ay magkakaganito.
Kung sino man ang may-alay ng dugo,
Tang-ina niya! Ginago ka!
At para sa mga taong hinayaang mawala ang dugo,
Nirerespeto mo pa ba sila?
Nagawa ba nila dahil mahal ka nila?
O dahil sa takot sa mapag-husgang lipunan?
Sana ay may natutunan ka
at maging isang mabuting nilalang
Pero ang sabi nga nila,
Marunong Bumalik ang Karma...
kanina hindi ako excited...
pero nung umuwi ako ng bahay para mag-online
nakausap ko si Kat...
renz: tinatamad ako...
Kat Jacob: hala biglang tinamad
renz: i mean, gus2 ko na pumasok pero parang di ako excited
renz: hehehe
Kat Jacob: bakit?? huling first day na natin ito
renz: ay oo nga!
renz: hala! excited na pala ko!!!
renz: last na nga pala to...
Kat Jacob: oo last na to
renz: nakakasad
Kat Jacob: oo
renz: last na pala
renz: ambilis
Kat Jacob: hindi ko pa alam kung anong gagawin
Pinaalala niya sa akin...
na huli na pala to...
malungkot na katotohan...
ngunit kailangan tanggapin at harapin...
Kaya excited na ko!
Tomorrow...
Tomorrow will be..
The LAST FIRST DAY FUNK!
haizzz...
ang bilis ng panahon... Napakabilis...
Mhean is such a nice girl... I met her inside the pharmacy department of MCU FDTMF Hospital. She was also an interm from ust. I barely see her but i've got a vague information about her since we have our common friend - jeffrey sy.
We've been through a lot of sharing in my last 5 days of stay inside the hospital... She earned my trust easily and i believe that i have also earned my share... Anyway, to cut it short... we share the same experience of this thing called "forbidden love". Not the korean novela about the people who eats fresh human liver (that's random!).
Last night, actually a while ago.. I sent her a sentimental love quote... I wasn't prepared with her reply coz she thought that im under a big circumstance at the moment... actually, im not, but i embraced her concern and we ended up talking again about our so-called "forbidden love stories" hehe funny, but we are hurting correspondingly.
I prefer not to disclose both our stories because it is sensitive in any way... so let's leave it at that. Anyway, she mentioned a few great things and i thought of quoting them here in my blog.
"mahirap magmahal lalo na kapag ikaw lang ang nagmamahal at may mahal siyang iba"
"2 kami sa buhay niya, tingin ko, di naman siya masasaktan kung mawala ako diba? siya naman yung pinili niya e..."
"mas masarap magmahal kung alam mong sayo talaga siya.. Hindi yung nakikirelasyon lang tayo sa relasyon ng iba."
and the next one is the best... hehehe
"The best thing about loving and getting hurt is that you get to know what TRUE LOVE is. For as Gold is tested in fire and so LOve will be PERFECTED in PAIN.."
Para sa akin, mas gugustuhin ko pang ma-DUMP agad at masaktan kesa masaktan ako kasi nagppretend ka pang nice ka, kahit alam ko namang ayaw mo na...
hai... another senti night! i promised that i wont be talking about this, but i just cant help it... i went down the room immediately just to write this! such an asshole! hai!
Wanted to be near you but,
Somebody owns you now...
Teach me how to disconnect life support
i feel tortured
why not just simply
kill me
so ill be gone
not for a moment
but for a long time.
I loved you with a fire
(you probably didn't know)
But you sent winter
so ill just freeze over
the coldness of you.
I hate to pretend
with my sarcastic smiles
and fake hello's
pretending im on a bliss
but really on a misery
I guess it's too late now...
wanted to be near you but,
somebody owns you now...
ill try to live somehow
*few lines are from 241 my favorite song by rivermaya... others are mine.. :D
I just had a heart to heart talk with my mom earlier.. For me, it feels good that i can talk to my mom that way and confides her emotions regarding certain issues about her life... BUt it really breaks my heart seeing my mom teary-eyed and doing her best to be strong enough in handling things... SUPERWOMAN! hahaha of course i wont show that im getting weak whenever she confides, i have to be strong for her, coz if my weakness would show up, where will she gain her strength?
This is the first time that i looked straight into my mom's eyes and realized how wonderful my parents are... haii... im getting mushy with this, im just happy right now...
If someone hurts you... CRY A RIVER, BUILD A BRIDGE, and GET OVER it!.
It's over, and im turning of the lights... These days maybe through, im here without them and i don't have a clue...
FOUR HUNDRED EIGHTY HOURS is finally over... should i be happy coz it happened or should i be sad coz it's over? I really wanted to extend the time... but for some reasons, i cant, i still have to finish my minority affiliation with MCU hospital...
Being inside the pharmacy of Jose Reyes Hospital is a very challenging part for me. Since this is a public hospital, We are incorporated with different types of patients. Most are no read-no write, some are well off, some are not.. All types of patients are here and so all types of people do... criminals, victims, palengkera, maldita, mababait, masasama, gago, ulol, bastos at kung ano ano pang adjectives ay nandun na! Pero, what makes me want to stay there? I guess, it is the experience. Somehow, it's good to open yourself and introduce your self into the real world... I mean, REAL world... The reality of life, that life is not just an easy game you play... everything in life comes with a purpose... and in my 484 hours of stay there, i guess, i have found the reason why i landed into that place...
484 hours is not enough for me to learn too many beautiful things in life inside that hospital... I have learned sOo Much and still CRAVING to learn more. There are lessons that you wont learn by just sitting in front of the white board and jotting down pharmacognosy or pharmacology. Here, you will learn how to deal with the real world, the realities of life and everything else follows...
Sa internship na to, natutunan ko ang salitang "PAKIKISAMA" na alam ko, noon pa, malaking problema na sa aking personalidad... dito, natutunan kong pakibagayan lahat ng clase ng tao, mapa-pasyente man, parmasyutiko o kapwa-intern. Mahirap, pero masayang isipin na nalagpasan ko ang salitang "walang pakisama"...
I have gained Confidence in making friends with different people with different points of view. I was always hesistant to approach people and mingle with them, but now, i got closer to everybody. MAHIYAIN kasi ako... yan ang sabi ng tatay ko.. wala daw akong "PR" na gus2 kong patunayan na mali siya... salamat kay jose reyes at tinulungan niya ko.
Time is like a river coz you can't step on the same water twice. Time is not Gold coz Time is Priceless. I have realized the value of time.. How Time is important to us.. Everytime i sign my Time Record, I was always in a hurry, wanting to finish soon, but the moment that i was about to finish the duty, i was wanting to stay longer... how odd? but time is soO important... All i need is time... 480 hours is really not enough... i want to make it forever...
oh! i just heard a bad news from jeric... that's soO sad.. But that's how it is, that is life... i'll just help him... sad...
I miss everyone! I miss the medical drawers, medical supplies!!! awwww... I miss everything! I wish they could read this!
Put away the pictures.
Put away the memories.
I put over and over
Through my tears
I've held them till I'm blind
They kept my hope alive
As if somehow that I'd keep you here
Once you believed in a love forever more?
How do you leave it in a drawer?
Now here it comes, the hardest part of all
Unchain my heart that's holding on
How do I start to live my life alone?
Guess I'm just learning,
Learning the art of letting go.
Try to say it's over
Say the word goodbye.
But each time it catches in my throat
Your still here in me
And I can't set you free
So I hold on to what I wanted most
Maybe someday we'll be friend's forever more
Wish I could open up that door (I LOVE THIS PART! :D)
Now here it comes, the hardest part of all
Unchain my heart that's holding on
How do I start to live my life alone?
Guess I'm just learning,
Learning the art of letting go
Watching us fade
What can I do?
But try to make it through
the pain of one more day
Without you
Where do I start, to live my life alone?
I guess I'm learning, only learning,
Learning the art of letting go.
This is a song sung by Mikaila and i often hear Kriselda singing this song... It kinda strikes everyone who's just starting to learn the art of letting go...
But for Kriselda, She believes that "there is no such thing as letting go... How can you let go of someone who occupied a large memory in your mind and in your heart?" I Definitely agree on what she said, and guess? we both feel the same... hmmm? such a nice woman with so much lessons from her to keep.. hehehe Sabi ko pa, "Minsan, sinasabi lang natin na nakapag Move-on na tayo at nakapag Let Go na tayo, pero hanggang salita lang yun... Hindi mo talaga magagawa yun, dahil naging bahagi ng buhay mo yun, hangga't nandyan yan sa isip mo, hindi naman mawawala yan ng basta basta. It Really Takes time, and Time isnt enough for you to let go and move on."
Moving on and letting Go is oftenly used as a defense mechanism to those people who pretends to be strong but weak enough to show that they really haven't because of the fact that nobody does... Like what i said, hanggang salita lang yun, it is just a proclamation of pseudo-survival in a certain relationship, yes you survived coz your alive, but come to think of it, think of your past? nakalimutan mo na ba yung mga times na magkasama kayo, na hawak mo siya? hawak ka niya? na magkausap kayo? na nagbibiruan kayo? diba?! I guess you can just really say na nakapag move-on ka na at nakapag let go ka na when you have found the right one for you, not just a replacement nor a panakip-butas, but someone who'll show you love unconditionally more than any other person who entered your life. GasH! KAMUSTA NAMAN YUN? SENTI NANAMAN AKO? Pota namaN!:D
We are so young... let's not hurry... one thing i learned in this life... Everything takes time. It takes time for a plant to be a tree, for a cocoon to be a butterfly, for a flower to bloom and the rain to fall., And So being in love also takes time, and time is infinite... all you have to do is wait... who knows? maybe, just maybe.... im the one for you... YUCKS! hahahaha syet naman! pota talaga! sentihan to!
oh! im almost done with my internship. I'll be on a night duty tomorrow, and pooofff! Im done! but i'll try to come back on wednesday since i promised my friends to spend some more time with them. I definitely Enjoyed the internship though i must say that i wasn't perfectly perfect... Of course, there are certain instances that we really cant avoid, but for me talaga, Ive been saying this for so many times na, Imperfection makes it Perfectly perfect... Im not a perfectionist but i always try to see things perfectly or atleast have the most perfect view of it, not into any detail but on how it was done, on how it happened and on how the heart felt about it. That's how perfection for me is all about.
I dont wanna end pa sana the internship, but i really have to since i have to finish my minor affiliation sa mcu with pags... haizz... sana matapos na, but still the journey continues...
Next Time, ill post a tribute regarding my internship... weeee... :D
I can now proclaim that summer love is officially over... (woooo! crowd cheering!) Since the rain poured outside a while ago, this is the sign that i have been waiting to finally move on and start a new life all over again.
It's been a month... with the exact date, that i met someone and spent most of my time thinking and feeling and being with that person. Everything was in a rush... It came so easy and faded so easily... But i must admit that i have learned so many things about this Summer Love Affair... Wala akong bagay na pinagsisisihan sa kung ano mang nagawa ko, basta marami akong natutunan, masaya na ko dun. Masaya rin ako na nakakilala ako ng taong katulad niya. I don't know why i met the person, I was about to discover why but all of a sudden, i simply realized that it was gone.
I really have no idea why God made us bump on our crossroads... No idea at all... Upto now im still clueless about it, Kung bakit kita nakilala? kung bakit kita nakaYM? kung bakit may ganito? kung bakit may ganyan? ewan ko talaga... Pero im not saying that i didnt enjoy ur company, i really did. But the question is, have you enjoyed mine? coz from what i saw and from what i have observed is that you didnt, though im not concluding that you really didnt, that was just my opinion. Because my point is, if you did enjoy, then we are still communicating with each other upto this second... or am i just the one who prevents myself from talking to you? ewan ko ulit...
Im simply thankful for everything and for nothing... and now, im starting to wonder what comes next to this... Will the be another SPRING LOVE? or better yet a WINTER LOVE? or another SUMMER LOVE AFFAIR Next year? waaah... im now back to the same old brand new me... the renz who hates talking about love... that's why i hate it! coz the hardest part is fighting or shall i say, struggling without the person knowing that you are struggling for him/her. All i know is that you are happy with the one you love and with your life. And im starting all over again... Thanks to you, thanks to God, Thanks to everything and Thanks for nothing... Adios!
I mentioned during my last entry about my internship that, that was one of the best night duty i had.. But i was wrong, Every night duty could be the best night duty of my life... I guess im just making the best out of everything and enjoying everything that i am going through... Im maximizing the time that im spending there since im almost near to graduating from all my sacrifices this summer... I sacrificed a few but i definitely enjoyed my internship.. Ano ba to? nagmumush ba ko dahil matatapos na ko?
Well here's what happened last night...
INTERNS TURNED HOSTO (callboys) LAST NIGHT...
well, we were five last night plus mam Josa... At first i thought that it would be a big mess since we know what mam josa's attitude is when talking about night duty, but last night was different, I was with the Twins - Jeric and Jeffrey, Chaka, and jane aka pags. Wala kaming energy kagabi, bandang 8 pm pero nung dumating si jane, wow! nagbago ang lahat! ahehehe may dala pa xang mangga... at nagfoodtrip kami... Imagine, kumain kami ng mangga, tapos, pinapakain kami ni mam Josa ng mais at siniguelas?!, ayaw niyang sumakit ang tiyan namin... hahaha
Anyway, I insisted na magsayaw ulit kami but this time, not to the tune of enya, instead, a more daring choreography, a more mature, more sexy and scorching hot dance number... We used the Song DONTCHA by pussycat dolls, and we call ourselves PUSAKAL DOLLS wahahaha.. I was inspired dancing like a hosto because of its lyrics...
dontcha wish ur boyfriend was hot like me?
dontcha wish ur boyfriend was a freak like me?
dontcha?.... dontcha?
dontcha wish ur boyfriend raw like me?
dontcha wish boyfriend was fun like me?
dontcha? dontcha baby dontcha?
*girlfriend was changed to boyfriend... ginawan ko ng dance number, coz i wanna ask jane-jane at para asarin na rin xa kung nagwiwish ba siya na sana kasing HOT ko ang boypren niyang si AJ?! haha... sinayawan ko siya nun.. hehe kami lahat na boys... and another surprise from Chaka, coz he danced like a hostess sa club.. hehe anyway, he did well, and atleast nakisama siya samin... I made most of the steps, easy to learn since i've been a hosto before... hahahaha kiddin... How i wish im a hosto! gus2 ko talaga maghosto kapag pumapasok sa isip ko, wow! parang ang sarap maghosto.. hehe pero xmpre inde ko ggwin un...
Talking about mam Josa... Waaaaaah.... sobrang tuwang tuwa siya... specially when we tried to do push-ups... wahahaha!!! ewan ko ba dun, nadala yata sa pagiging hosto namin! parang gus2 niya kami ipitan ng mga prescriptions sa briefs at sabihing, iprepare mo to mamaya ha! hehehehe... pero somehow, we made her laugh... natuwa siya samin to the point na hanggang kaninang hapon, gus2 pa niya kaming sumayaw sa harap ng maraming interns at pharmacist... waaaah! wag naman! Tapos, pinagprepare pa niya kami ng carbonara at garlic bread, pinaglagay niya kami sa plate.. dahil daw inaliw namin siya last night!... haiiizzz.... unti unti nang nawawala respeto ko sa sarili ko... ahehehe pero ano ba naman yun? e eto ako e, mahilig talaga ko sa ganitong klaseng enjoyment... ayos lang to! hahahaha di naman ako boring na tao (sana*) ayun, but still we did our work inside, hindi lang puro saya... we just want to keep ourselves awake para masaya... after nun, mga 5 am, bagsak kaming lahat...
I would just like to add, one of the best experience i had with jane, nasa kitchen kami, nagtitimpla ng coffee when jeric made some strange sounds na nagpagulat samin, Jane held my hand so tight dahil sa sobrang takot niya... hmmmmm?!?!?... sweet! tapos kanina, i really can't help it... bago ako umuwi, ewan ko ba, i gave her a hug and kissed her goodbye sa ulo niya... weeee... another chancing i had with her... hahahaha That was fun! :D
True friends are hard to find...
True Love is Harder to Finde...
But if You fall in love with your bestfriend,
Are you willing to lose the friendship for love?
Or are you willing to lose the love for friendship?
When does friendship end, and love begin?
True Love Can Wait...
-from my favorite movie that i won't acknowledge since most of you might find it corny coz i watch those kind of movies... I have viewed this movie to the nth time and it still touches my heart... I can always relate my self to either characters... and it helps me... somehow...
It's really hard to fall in love with someone whose madly inlove with someone, specially with a bestfriend...
He's been through every important point in your life.
I know that no matter what i do, i can never have that.
I want to embrace you.
I want to kiss you.
I want you to be mine,
But because i am just a friend / a mere acquaintance,
I know that you wouldn't be mine... 
--------------------------------------------
-I asked krizie to send this text to me and il blog it... this is real!... i mean, how amazing the person who wrote this... he/she really knows how We Feel...
